So if journals are for secrets then here's mine: I crave attention, I need to be special. Some have surmised that's all that's wrong with ADD kids, but I always felt the spotlight when I was young. Anyway, I want my blog to be read by many, and that can only happen if it is interesting and dependable.
I don't think I'll ever be a great writer, but dependable is important to being an adult and not a flake, so in the interests of developing that it's occured to me to see how many days in a row i can post something, however uninteresting. Theoretically shame will then push me into finding interesting things to write beautifully about.
In the meantime however, random thought I'd started to write last month:
Need to figure out when I can leave and where I should go. This living in Canada thing... I love the mountains and i love the food and I love my family, but it's not where I'm at. I'm a little afraid that the longer I go away, the more I'll never be able to come back, but if I'm looking for God's will and not mine then I guess that's not valid.
Except I really don't know when God's talking and when I'm just trying to feel special. The whole Christian in the city thing is a big pain in the butt, to be honest. I am incapable of not believing, but neither do I do anything to foster belief.
Oy. I write like my life is something on television, over which I have no control. Since men watching sports seem to think that they control what's happening by their actions, why don't I have the same relationship to mine?
I guess I do, a little. I guess trying to write everyday to be more dependable is something like taking control.
So i'll just take a little moment here to say that I'm still a baby and don't like being away from my mommy and daddy. I dont' feel at home in Canada, but the thought of moving forever away from them is like a prison sentence. I went home two weeks ago for the weekend, and this weekend co-workers were going to party it up in Vancouver. I wanted to go too, not for the party but to jump out as they passed my Dad's.
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